it's christmas and here is where you are not
by zaynub
Summary: It's Christmas. Alex is waiting for Piper. Piper went off to a Christmas Party with Polly and Larry. And Piper is perhaps a bit too drunk. And a lot horny. Pipex Vauseman smut.


_It's Christmas. Alex is waiting for Piper. Piper went off to a Christmas Party with Polly and Larry. And Piper is way, way too drunk._

"It's Christmas, Piper, where the fuck are you?" Alex spoke haughtily into the phone.

"I thought you were too cool for Christmas," Piper taunted, a slight slur in her voice.

Alex opened her mouth to retort back, when she heard a familiar, but unwelcomed, male voice from the other line.

Her mock anger suddenly turned into fury as waves of jealousy crashed into Alex.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're at his house right now? After you told me you'd be at mine?"

"Relax," Piper drawled, "it's just for a little while."

_Great_, Alex thought, _she's already too tipsy to drive._

"Piper, you told me you'd be here. I'm your girlfriend for Christ's sake. You couldn't give Larry and Polly the cold shoulder for one day just to be with me? Wow."

"Alex," Piper whined, "Don't be a buzz-kill. I'll be there soon, I promise."

"Piper Chapman, do not drive drunk, you hear me? Stay there. Do not drive drunk." Alex commanded authoritatively.

"You're so hot when you're angry and demanding," Piper said lazily.

Irritation boiled deep inside Alex. (Although she did derive pleasure at the compliment.)

"I'm coming to get you, loser. Stay there, okay? Tell loser Larry not to let you to drive."

"Okaaay," Piper drawled happily, "I'll tell him that."

Alex scoffed and rolled her eyes, about to hang up the phone-

"-Hey, Al?"

"What, Pipes?"

"I heart you."

Alex's heart warmed up her phone, and she smiled albeit her exasperation. "I heart you too. See you soon."

* * *

_smut warning_

Alex pulls up in Larry's driveway and sighs to herself. If it weren't for Piper and Polly's friendship, Alex would have hated Larry. Regardless, she loves Piper and she would not let _them_ have her for Christmas.

She gets out of the car and strides purposefully towards the house adorned with festive lights and a thin layer of snow blanketing the roof. She opens the door without knocking and walks straight into the living room. A drunk man in the corner starts to make his way over to her but she flexes her muscles and smiles dangerously back at him, causing him to grimace and walk away. She glances around the living room, sees no sign of Piper or her friends, and walks into the next room.

She passes a crowd of people smoking weed and almost changes course to create a new business opportunity for herself. But then she catches sight of Piper, drunkenly singing All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey. Shaking her head in amusement, Alex makes her way towards her. One of Polly's friends nudges Piper and Piper turns in Alex's direction.

"Alex," she exclaims, walking clumsily towards her, "you made it!"

"Yeah, Piper, I did, after you were the one who was supposed to come to me," she says irritably.

"But come on, it's so much fun here, come on," Piper says as she reached out to grab Alex's arm, but loses her balance and falls into her arms instead.

Alex holds Piper steady as she peers into her unfocused eyes. "You are waay too drunk," she chides, "I'm taking you home."

"Come on," Piper continues to whine, "I'm supposed to be the goody two-shoes and you're the bad ass. You're being a party pooper right now."

Alex sighs. She spots a half-empty bottle of tequila and a couple glasses on the table and decides to take a shot. If she's stuck here with drunk Piper, why not enjoy it?

"That's what I'm talking about," Piper cheers as she pulls Alex into the nearest seat and then sits on her lap, straddling her.

"See, look at me Al, I can be bad too you know," she says as she grabs the tequila from Al and starts to pour more shots.

Alex sits, staring in amusement at the blonde on top of her, when the Tequila began to take its effect.

Alex brings her face closer to Piper, her lips right in her ear. "Tell you what, kid. Let's be bad together," she winks as she grabs the almost empty bottle and drains the rest of its contents in a gulp. Piper smirks playfully in response.

Piper starts singing again and Alex lets out a huge internal groan. Piper gets up from Alex' lap and starts dancing in a way that is extremely inappropriate to the music. The alcohol fueling her confidence, she grinds on Alex, whispering into Alex's ear, "this song is making me feel really festive, if you know what I mean."

Although that isn't one of the sexiest things Piper has ever said, it arouses Alex all the same. She wraps her arms around Piper's waist then brings her lips down to Piper's neck."I think," Alex kisses the side of her neck, "it's time," she trails upwards to the crook underneath her ear, "for us," she nips the bottom of her ear, "to be," her tongue relishes the salt water, "_really, really bad," _she finishes with a soft, provocative moan filling Piper's eardrums.

Piper stares dumbly at Alex for a moment, then places her hand on the back of Alex's hand and forces their lips together. Alex bites Piper's bottom lip and pulls away with a smile, leaving Piper pouting like a puppy.

Alex laughs, bemused. "Not here, you horndog." She grabs Piper's hand and starts to lead her towards the living room so they can get to the car but Piper starts to trail her other hand up Alex's thigh, causing Alex to involuntarily gasp and part her lips. "But babe," Piper says breathily, "I can't wait," and she frees herself from Alex's grasp.

"Well you should have thought of that when you came here instead of to my house," Alex says irritably, at the same time finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate as Piper's free hand squeezes Alex's butt from behind. Alex involuntarily bucks toward her and Piper uses this to her advantage, grabbing Alex away from the doorway and into the secluded hallway, where she pushes her up against the wall and begins to kiss her in earnest. Alex kisses back but breaks away just as fast.

"Pipes," she says, the smallest hint of desperation in her voice as the blonde kisses her neck, "Pipes we need to go home, not here."

But the white girl refuses to listen and as her lips trail down to Alex's stomach, Alex's resolve is lost.

"Oh, _fuck you, Piper Chapman,"_ Alex said as she places a hand inside Piper's hair and crushes her lips against her, as Piper grinds her whole body against her. Their lips find each other again and again and Alex's restraint grows weaker by the minute. She turns around and this time, it's Piper pinned against the wall, Alex furiously tasting every drop of her sweat, leaving no part of her skin untouched. As Piper squirms, Alex abruptly pulls away, a devilish smirk on her face.

"Hey, Pipes?" she says, a twinkle in her eye.

"Hmmm?" Piper responded dazedly. "Which one is Larry and Polly's room?" Piper lazily points to the room down the hall. Piper proceeds to kiss Alex again but Alex seizes Piper's wrist and drags her into the room.

Alex gently pushes Piper onto the bed, then turns around to lock the door.

A mischievous grin lights up the brunette's features as she slowly walked back towards Piper. "Oh, we are so gonna fuck this place up."

Piper stares at the woman in front of her, entranced by the look on her face, and feels the heat below her navel, the burning warmth yet thickening wetness between her thighs. She is desperate for skin of skin but the look on Alex's face is absolutely killer.

Alex walks slowly toward Piper, coming to a stop directly in front of the blonde. Piper lays flat on her back, legs slightly parted, staring expectantly up at Alex.

But Alex wants to have fun, and with a devilish grin, she grabs her own boobs, then trails down to her own thighs, leaving Piper staring in maddening disbelief. Alex lets out a throaty laugh as she undoes the button on her shorts, her legs bumping up against Piper. The blond can feel the wetness behind the brunette's panties and she lets out a soft groan.

"Al…"

"Oh, _hell no_," she says fiercely. "I'm gonna make you beg for it."

Piper lets out a groan full of frustration and need but Alex is relentless.

Alex intertwines her fingers with Piper's and rolls her body around, humping her, awakening the fire within herself while fueling Piper's even more. When her own pussy starts to throb, she stops and decides to reduce Piper's need just a little bit. Alex sits up and moves closer, resting one of Piper's legs between both of hers. Alex leads Piper's hand up Alex's own leg. Alex closes her eyes and moans softly at the touch, driving Piper absolutely crazy. Piper starts to free her hand from Alex's grasp and aims to dip her hands inside Alex's underwear, but Alex has other plans. With a little _tsk_ of impatience, Alex grabs Piper's hand again and tears the underwear off her own legs. Piper balls the underwear up in her hand and moans at the drenched fabric. Alex laughs at her partner's discomfort, then brings her head towards Piper's midriff.

"Oh, yes, thank god," Piper says in mistaken relief.

Alex looks up at Piper and smiles, the ever-present twinkle in her eye and she starts kissing Piper's stomach, unbuttoning the blonde's jeans and slowly pulling them, making sure to gently brush against her legs as she pulls the denim off. Fluid leaks from Piper's underwear onto her thighs and Alex stares at it hungrily. She brings her hands back up to the underwear and looks Piper straight in the eye as Alex's hand cups Piper's pussy, feeling the wet fabric.

But Piper tilts her head and does this godforsaken pout and suddenly Alex can't take it any longer, she needs Piper just as much as Piper needs her, and the brunette yanks the underwear off the blonde's legs, flinging it to the other side of the room. Piper spreads her thighs apart greedily and Alex dives into her. Alex starts sucking the blonde's excruciatingly slowly, and Piper rips her top and bra off. Alex flicks her tongue across a couple times, causing Piper to whimper and tremble. Alex finally thrusts her tongue inside the hole and Piper lets out a huge sigh of relief and thrusts her hands into Alex's hair, pulling her closer, begging for more. Alex speeds up the rhythm, pushing her own body against Piper at the same pace as her tongue. Piper closes her eyes and pants louder and louder until Alex gently nibs on Piper's clit, pushing her over the edge. Piper closes her eyes and lets out a huge moan of relief.

When the heat has spread all over her body, Piper slowly opens her eyes to see the beautiful woman hovering on top of her, a smug look on her face. But it's Piper's turn to smirk, because now it's Alex who is in need. Piper smiles at Alex and places her hand on Alex's nape, this time placing Alex flat on her back. She crawls, a bit clumsily, on top of Alex and with a furtive look, lowers her head to Alex's second set of lips. She glances up at Alex, who seems to be much more than tipsy now, and the brunette smiles a bit dumbly in response. Piper waits no further and delves into the brunette's folds, causing her to wither uncontrollably until the blond pins the brunette's thighs down. She flicks her tongue across as Alex's body slowly bucks upward. She increases the rhythm until Alex is at her highest, then gently bites in response.

Alex closes her eyes and lets out her signature throaty moan. Her hands search for Piper's and grasp them tightly as the orgasm rides its way out. Alex opens her eyes as Piper lays her head on Alex's chest.

"Hey, Al?"

"Yeah, Pipes?"

"Merry Christmas."


End file.
